Thursday, 9 May 2013

Aimless

I think I know myself quite well. I know my shortcomings and failures and I know my strengths. I try not to dwell on the former as one of them is a bury my head in the sand attitude that has served me well in meaning that I actively try not to worry about what may happen as it scares me. So maybe it is a useful failing. Another is to tend towards procrastination so to combat this I have developed a method of always having a goal, at all times, without fail, that I must complete so I can move onto the next one. This is not the big stuff such as career, moving house, travelling etc, just things such as getting my planning for school done by such and such a time, finishing those crocheted socks by tonight, emptying the washing bag or getting 30 pages of my book read. You can imagine that I am constantly put into a position of failing as I don't get these things done. It strikes me  that I never give myself a break. I am not saying this in a proud 'aren't I hard working and clever way', more in a 'I have only just realised that I am doing this to myself kind of way, and what can I do to stop it?'
In answer to that I don't know but I have made a start just now with only a vague plan. Today I went to Deptford and Greenwich markets with my friend who has the vintage shop, and had a lovely time looking around, and buying silly things, as well as having a delicious breakfast of scrambled eggs on toast and tasty coffee. When we got back I pottered around tidying the house and preparing for her and her family coming round to eat tonight. In my teacher way I prepared various play spots for her two and a half year old daughter around the flat. We had a great evening, and, when they took their little girl up to bed, ( in the upstairs flat)  we had a quick tidy up then went up to have drinks with them. We had a lovely time chatting and laughing and talking about children, then came back down here around midnight. I am still up having a coffee and Andy is snoring away in bed. Our plan was to go to Dungeness tomorrow. I am tired and Dungeness is far away. I have a t-shirt I want to sew up and we want some time at home tomorrow, so we have decided to go to Sheppey instead and then to have the rest of the day to potter around. I am even thinking that we may get up in the morning and decide to go nowhere, and that will be ok.
In the end we went to Herne Bay. It was a beautiful day and we had a delicious fish and chip lunch in The Ship, a wander along the beach and an icecream in the pavillion where a fairly bad oompah type band was playing. Then we sat on a bench for some time watching people walking past and staring out at a deserted (because it is fenced off) beach with dandelions growing on it and a sign warning about the soft mud. When we got back I was exhausted and have felt like that for the rest of this week. It has been a struggle getting up and leaving for school and I have been arriving at about 8.15 which is too late. Today I had the annual chat with the head teacher about this year and next and got in my main request which is to have one week a month where I only work for two or possibly three days. He said he would think about it and hopefully he will say yes. Teaching is great but it is wearing me down. Next year I am going to be working with four new staff, who all sound great but there is going to be a lot of change which, although not a bad thing can be exhausting. I am hoping that they all come in with great and fresh new ideas as there is nothing to say that we have to do anything the same next year. We shall see.
This is my first post for over a week which is a long gap for me but, like everything else at the moment, blogging has seemed just too much effort. Hopefully I will start to feel more energetic soon!
 This lady reading on her balcony just looks as if she is floating over the sea.
 Someone with a tiny house, but they bought the horse anyway!
 The clock tower and flowers on the promenade.
 Pebbles caught in a breakwater.
Beautiful window.

10 comments:

Kamana {Naashia} said...

sorry to hear you have been feeling stretched. i know the feeling. in fact, i decided to take a break from blogging (among other things) because things just got a little too much. you have to be kind to yourself and put you high in the priority list, because if you are too stressed or tired, it is you who will suffer too. hoping things get better soon.

Sarah said...

Thanks Kamana!

Sarah said...

Thanks Kamana!

Rattling On said...

Hello! I think teaching is a profession where we're used to always thinking of others and if you're not careful you always do just that. I find it very difficult to take time or do things just for me, I often feel guilty about it. Which is worse than silly.
School is one deadline after another, maybe we should just go with the flow at home?

Sarah said...

True! Tonight has been relaxed and unplanned so so far so good for the weekend!

Tracy said...

Yes, be kind to yourself, Sarah. We all need a break sometimes, even from blogging. ;o) I'm considering a month-long break this summer myself. I've been blogging 7 years now very consistently, and the are some creative projects I want to dig more deeply into...But finding the time always seems to be the question, doesn't it?! You are used to thinking and doing for others, maybe now is a good time to do for yourself for a bit. ENJOY the weekend--take time for you! :o) P.S. A friend lately told me about Craftsy. I've not taken a class via Craftsy yet, but would like to during the summer. They have sooo many great classes on offer--and often for good prices too!

Leenie said...

RE robins: Sarah: Yes, he's an American robin. Similar but certainly not the same as the robins in the U.K. I think our robins are related to the thrush family.

All you photos are so artistic. I especially like the pebbles in the breakwater

elizabeth said...

Dear Sarah,
Loved this long detailed post!
Reminds me of my teaching years when I was always totally worn out -and energized at the same time. (I did 22 years in the New York State system and a few before that in Peckham south London!)

Your photo of the stones was so lovely.
I must get to the English seaside before too very long!

Have a peaceful weekend.
ox

jabblog said...

It will soon be half-term and maybe that would be a good time for you to simply 'be'. I know how hard it can be to switch off but it sounds as though you have made a good start at the weekend.

Helen McCookerybook said...

I know the feeling all too well! We just got a weekend break in Paris at the last minute and it was great to get away from computers and piles of work that had to be done. We didn't do anything apart from eating and walking and sleeping- no culture, museums, sights (although you can't avoid seeing the Eiffel Tower) It was so relaxing I felt taller when I got home and managed to work with the Workplace Bully for the last week of his employment before he goes off to bully new people somewhere else.
All the stuff is here still but it seems like stuff I can manage to do rather than stuff that makes me feel like bursting into tears!
I hope you get a proper rest at half term. Would still love to go to the Fan Museum sometime- but when the pressure's off! xx